Decisions
After a one year hiatus following high school and two years at OCC..I watched, day by day, of what I hoped were the last few weeks at a community college. I was so bent of getting out of there and finally transferring to a university. I pictured everything to the best of my ability.
But that image slowly died as I now sit here thinking about it. After countless conversations with family, counselors, and friends; I have decided to not transfer and take a third year at OCC.
I can’t say that there is one specific reason as to why I came to this decision. . There’s a financial issue that I am currently dealing with, and the fact that I cannot see myself going to such schools as UCR, UCD, or UCI.
There’s much more to it that caused me to make the choice to stay. I mean, sure I can go to CSUF or UCI (If I do get accepted from the waitlst), but I cannot see myself happy and learning what I need to learn to forge my future. I musn’t transfer for the sake of transferring. It’s just not right, and I would regret that decision tenfold.
I’m focusing on bettering myself and working towards the goals I have set up for myself. I will not accept being “close”. It’s all or nothing, and maybe this extra year is what I need to put it all together.
Rejection
Today I woke up to a email from the Admissions Office of CSULB. Upon looking at the subject line on my phone, it shocked me. It was regarding my admissions to the school. I wasn’t sure whether or not it was a good thing or not. My heart raced and raced as I scrambled our of bed to turn on my laptop to see what this email could be. I knew it was either good or bad.
As I read the email, I held my breathe. Little by little it tells me to read the attachment regarding my admission process. I was ecstatic in hoping to see that I have been accepted, and at the same time more anticipating what could be a rejection. As I opened that attachment letter, time seemed to stop for the moment as it loaded.
It opens. “I must notify you that you are no longer being considered for admission.” My heart shattered. I put my heart and soul into this school, because it was within my achievable standards. I did not try to reach impossible heights and reach to a school like USC, UCLA. No, I was perfectly happy going to CSULB and now that option is out of the question.
Although I’ve screwed up much of my life and only just recently began picking up the pieces; I prayed that things would finally turn out in my favor. I guess not. It is time to work even harder. What I’m doing is not enough.
It’s time to appeal this, and hope for the best. Wish me luck.
Leap of Faith
I’ve always been confident as a person. I always saw myself unafraid to take that certain risk and just go for it. I’ve always had that drive to push toward the things that I love and want to achieve.
But in recent times, I’ve seen my strong character dwindle into somewhat of a side role. Taking a step back to the point where I’ve stepped into somewhat of a safety zone where I know nothing can hurt me or take me down. I’ve fallen into the position of being comfortable. It’s hard to see myself as who I used to be, especially after those around me have grown so much. it is time that I must take the necessary leaps to reach their level.
Today is one of the many steps that I’m finally taking to bring myself back to who I am.
I fucked up this last year
And it haunts me every single day. I can’t believe I basically threw away a year of my education and much more of what I had going. I don’t know why it had to be this year where all this crap just flew right into me, and just broke me down. I really can’t complain though, part of it was my fault that I would bring myself down where I couldn’t focus on my studies; but it really kills me that I ended up here. It hurts even more seeing everyone around me succeed while I’m stuck because of personal issues..
Honestly, I‘m really praying that I can I will fix things this final year. I really don’t mind taking my time with my education, but I really want to get out of OCC as well. I’ve gotten past the difficult, personal problems that blinded me from what really matters. From here on out, is a straight shot of no distractions, and a goal that I will not stop for anything to achieve.
Thank you for setting me straight.
